Twas the night before my MRI and all through the house, not Ken or Cody was stirring, not even Jen.....wait a second....that's not true. I was completely awake, sitting in bed, thinking all about it.
I sit here and wonder how I get myself into these things. Be careful what you wish for Jen, you just might get it. So Last Sunday night I was feeling horrible and I woke up Monday morning felling horrible too. Just these weird pains in my rib cage. Left side of course. So I called the Oncologist and got the nurse...of course. Anyway, I told them about my annoyance in my rib area and the nurse pulled up my file. Did you get the breast MRI done? Ummm....thinking in my head...that would be a big no. Well, it's not like I didn't want to do it. With the holidays and work, I just didn't have time but now I must make the time. So the nurse scheduled my appt for tomorrow, January 13th.
So I'm sitting here thinking about it and it's not that I am nervous about the actual MRI itself but the results of the MRI. It's difficult to explain. But for me, since I was diagnosed with cancer there isn't one day that goes by that I don't think about it. And that sucks. There's cancer on the news, commercials about running races for cancer (which is great), so and so actor died of cancer, my scars are a constant reminder of cancer. I get dizzy I must have cancer. I get a stomach ache I must have cancer. It's a constant fear and it never ends. But I'm working on trying to get past this fear. Stressing about it is no good. I was thinking about seeing a counselor but haven't followed through with it yet. My family and co-workers listen but they don't 100% understand what I'm going through so although I get the support I need, they just don't get it and that's not meant in a mean way. When my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, I didn't get it. Well little did I know about a year later, I was seriously going to get it. Both in experiencing it and learning about it. He's a good listener and knows exactly what I feel like but he's not local. I do call but it would be better to see him in person. Like I did back in October. We chatted about our experience a little but we were enjoying our time together so it wasn't a deep conversation. And besides, I try not to talk about it, yet I write this blog? I don't make sense do I? Actually writing in this blog makes me feel like I'm helping someone else either understand it or maybe help someone who is going through it. Although, everyone's experience with cancer is different which drives me nuts. If we were all the same, maybe their would be a cure. Maybe one day?
So anyway, tomorrow is the day I get my MRI. I will get an IV with contrast and luckily Ken is going with me to keep me calm. I'll have no problem in the machine. Just hope it's not a long test. I've gotten conflicting times. Anywhere from 20 min - 1 hour. I'm voting for 20 min. And a clean bill of heath of course.
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