Not enough time in the day

Today Ken and I are meeting up with his parents to pick up little Codyman.  He's been at grammy and grandad's house for a week.  He had so much fun with them.  He continued to ride his bike without training wheels, played soak grandma with the garden hose, and went to Knobel's (amusement park) twice.  Although I missed him dearly, I enjoyed the mini break.  It was nice to come home and just chill.  I didn't have to rush, I didn't have to drop him off or pick him up from preschool, I didn't have to cook dinner, do bath and bedtime routines.  Don't get me wrong, I love doing all that stuff but there are days that I'm just plain out exhausted and Cody is just not independent enough to do some of this stuff on his own and it's my fault.

When I had cancer, Cody was 3 1/2 years old.  I felt like for that year of treatment/recovery that I kind of lost control of discipline.  We did time outs and he certainly didn't run wild.  So now, he doesn't seem to want to listen.  Maybe that's all 5 1/2 year olds.  Maybe it's just a boy thing.  But there are times when I sit him down and say, Cody mommy's tired.  But with all that energy in his little body he doesn't get it.  Or does he not care?  He really is a good little boy who is super loving and  but at 3 1/2 he didn't understand what mommy was going through and of course at 5 1/2 he certainly can't understand the complexity of someone having cancer and how it is a long and difficult journey.

But I love him with all my heart.  And I know one day he'll understand and hopefully he'll never have to see me go through it again.  But if I have to, I will.  My life is worth living and I'll fight whatever battle I have to to live.

I get mad at my job for making me come back full time to work.  For them to be so selfish by telling me I'm not disabled anymore.  Commuting, working, taking care of a family while recovering from Cancer treatments is exhausting.

Anyway, Cody's back and the routine is back and there's just not enough time in the day to get everything done.  But at least I'm here and I'm trying.  :)