Hello
everyone!!!! It's been quite a while since I've e-mailed you all with
an
update so I thought on the eve of my 1st chemo treatment 8/7/11, I
might as well send out the latest on what's going on. One year ago
today I was completely freaking out. Knowing that my 1st chemo
treatment was hours away, I was afraid of the unknown and I was afraid
of dying. Today, a year later, I'm thinking about that night and I'm
determined to stay a breast cancer survivor. I made a promise to Cody
last year that this summer would be the best summer ever. And so far,
it is. Here's what's been going on in the last few months. Happy
reading!!
How I feel:
All and all I would say things have been good. I'm actually beginning to feel like my life is getting back on track. I'm still recovering from the entire ordeal and everyday that goes by I can feel myself getting stronger. I'm amazed at how fast time has gone by. Can you believe that it's been 8 months since I finished chemo, 7 1/2 months since surgery and 5 months since my last radiation treatment? Sometimes it almost feels like a dream. Last year this time I had already found my lump, was diagnosed, went thru the whirl wind of tests, had my port surgery and was getting ready for my first chemo treatment (Aug. 8th). I just can't believe where I was and where I am today. And as of now, I'm still cancer free. Whoo-hoo!
Radiation:
To my surprise, the areas on my body that were radiated are still really tender. The flaming red blisters left months ago but I still don't have my normal skin tone on my left side. Hey, I'll take whatever skin tone I get as long as I'm healthy right? I've seen all my doctors and from what they all said, the majority of the tenderness is still from surgery. I just didn't expect such a long recovery period for 3 small areas.
Side effects:
My dead fingernails have finally grown out and I actually got to wear fingernail polish for the 1st time in a year. I forgot how feminine fingernail polish makes you look and believe me, I'll take anything that makes me look one more step closer to the old Jen. My numb toes have just about gone away. They don't tingle like they use to and that makes me very happy. No hot flashes (thank goodness) and I got all my taste buds back. Whoo hoo! I'm on a roll. I still have fatigue but the doc said that's normal.
Hair:
My hair is growing back better than I expected. I can hardly believe that I was completely bald 8 months ago. My natural color is back - brunette (haven't seen that color in 15 years). It's kind of poofy, a little curly/wavy, thick and thank goodness, no gray hair. :)
I don't have the nerve to cut and style it yet. Cutting it makes me feel like I'm taking away what's finally growing in. Even though it's growing in quick, I feel like the top isn't catching up with the back so I'm sure I'll have a mullet if I don't get my act together and get to a salon soon. But in time, I'm sure one day I'll get my Victoria Secret model hair that brings the old Jen back to life but for now, I'm trying to focus on staying healthy and getting back to normal.
The down side to looking normal:
So the down side of looking normal and not necessarily feeling normal is people assume things. Upper level management in my office told me that I had to return back to work full time starting May 7th. Almost 4 years to the day that I started working part time. I was really angry at first. They actually approached me only 17 days after my final radiation treatment which I was and wasn't shocked More shear disappointment. At the time, I was so tired from treatment, working 3 days a week gave me a chance to rest/recover on the other 2 days that I had off. The excuse they gave me was they can't hire more people if there was a part timer on the books. So it was more important to get me on the books full time thank making sure that I recover properly. I thought that was a bit harsh. I realize that there are a lot of people who work full time during/after cancer treatments and I know how difficult it is. I know I was fortunate to work part time so I can't be 100% angry. I just feel like they were vulchers flying around just waiting to hear those magic words, "She's Cancer Free". I gave them two doctors notes but they refused them both. They pretty much said since I wasn't disabled I had to come back. Disabled? I was never disabled. I had cancer, I endured treatments for 8 months and thank God I survived. THANK GOD!
Relay for life:
Back in May, I participated in the "Survivor Lap" of the Reston Relay for Life with my friends David and Dana. I didn't know much about the relay for life but felt the need to be a part of it. The relay is a part of the American Cancer society and it's an entire day/night function is to raise money for cancer. There are a ton of locations but this one was held at a local high school. People brought tents and camped out as members of their team walked around the track. It was a very moving sight as well as a very emotional day for me. I didn't expect it to be so emotional but people were so supportive and strangers would congratulate me for being a survivor. Cody was chanting "no cancer" as he walked the survivor lap with me and Ken met us 1/2 way around the track to put a medal around my neck. Tears were flowing down my face. I'm so thankful for being alive. I have so much to live for. Two of my friends also walked the relay for life. My friend Terri in Fredericksburg, Va and my friend Colleen in Washington state. Yea to them and everyone who's fighting for the cure.
Mother's Day:
I hope all you mommies out there had a wonderful Mother's Day. Cody gave me a hanging flower basket and a card that said to my beautiful, gorgeous and stunning mother (both with Ken's help of course) . He's still my biggest supporter and I still truly adore him.
Visit with Oncologist:
It's tough to visit the oncologist. Sitting in the waiting room waiting to be called back, I get to see all the men and women (mostly women) come and go. It brings back sad memories. And it's tough to see their faces with such a void across it. It makes me think of how drugged I was when I left my chemo treatments. Whoever went with me had to drive me home since I couldn't drive. My appointment went well and she didn't feel anything so that made me very happy. My 1st followup mammogram is scheduled for September 7th. Please keep your fingers crossed that my mammo is cancer free.
Blog:
I still write to my blog. It has been good therapy for me. I finally just downloaded a bunch of photos from my camera so I'll be posting them to my blog soon. http://jenniferkile.blogspot.com
Ken is doing well.
He's enjoying the summer and loves tinkering around the house. He's
done a few outdoor projects which includes yard work - pruning, mowing,
installing lattice under our deck, and painted our
fence. He
loves being outside but is already looking forward to the cooler
weather that falls brings. We've had a few record scorchers this summer
and as you all know, I LOVE IT when it's HOT!!!
As for sweet little Cody. He's had the time of his life visiting grandparents and friends, going to Knobel's amusement park, hanging out at the pool, going to the water park and to the beach. He recently had a few unfortunate incidents with his finger getting slammed in the car door and a meet and greet with nuts. Which indeed proves he's still allergic. Luckily neither were life threatening but enough to visit and call the doctor. As a young energetic little one, he bounces back quickly and is enjoying life. He participated in his preschool graduation but due to his age, he won't be going to kindergarten until next year. Photos are in my blog and one is attached below. Keep in mind, this photo was taken 2 months ago so my hair is a little longer now than it was in this photo.
Jen (that's ME):
I've been spending the last few months trying to enjoy life and not let the word CANCER freak me out or bring me down. It's hard at times but I think I'm doing pretty well at staying positive. I started a mini garden in flower pots on my patio. I'm growing tomatoes, green peppers, radishes, basil, rosemary, dill, and one corn stalk. The corn stalk was the weirdest thing. I didn't plant it but somehow got in my pot and it towers over me. I actually have one corn cob growing. I've enjoyed my mini garden and I've eaten about 12 radishes 4 green peppers and about 40 tomatoes so I guess I do have a green thumb. I also have wide array of flowers on my deck. Both the garden and the flowers were something I wasn't able to do last year and I'm thrilled about it this year.
Well, I kind of gave you a quick run down on the last few months. Last summer sucked but this summer is going GREAT! Hope all of you are doing well and that you all are having the BEST SUMMER EVA!
Thanks again for all your love and support. It means so much to me.
XOXO Jen
As for sweet little Cody. He's had the time of his life visiting grandparents and friends, going to Knobel's amusement park, hanging out at the pool, going to the water park and to the beach. He recently had a few unfortunate incidents with his finger getting slammed in the car door and a meet and greet with nuts. Which indeed proves he's still allergic. Luckily neither were life threatening but enough to visit and call the doctor. As a young energetic little one, he bounces back quickly and is enjoying life. He participated in his preschool graduation but due to his age, he won't be going to kindergarten until next year. Photos are in my blog and one is attached below. Keep in mind, this photo was taken 2 months ago so my hair is a little longer now than it was in this photo.
Jen (that's ME):
I've been spending the last few months trying to enjoy life and not let the word CANCER freak me out or bring me down. It's hard at times but I think I'm doing pretty well at staying positive. I started a mini garden in flower pots on my patio. I'm growing tomatoes, green peppers, radishes, basil, rosemary, dill, and one corn stalk. The corn stalk was the weirdest thing. I didn't plant it but somehow got in my pot and it towers over me. I actually have one corn cob growing. I've enjoyed my mini garden and I've eaten about 12 radishes 4 green peppers and about 40 tomatoes so I guess I do have a green thumb. I also have wide array of flowers on my deck. Both the garden and the flowers were something I wasn't able to do last year and I'm thrilled about it this year.
Well, I kind of gave you a quick run down on the last few months. Last summer sucked but this summer is going GREAT! Hope all of you are doing well and that you all are having the BEST SUMMER EVA!
Thanks again for all your love and support. It means so much to me.
XOXO Jen
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