I still get looks but I handling it

When I pick up and drop off Cody from preschool everyday I can see his little classmates looking at me.  Actually staring at me.  What do they see?  Cody's mommy or a strange woman who looks like their daddy?  When I walk in they call for Cody.  Cody, you're mommy's here!!  As Cody runs up to me, they continue to stare.  I asked Cody is anyone of his classmates asked him about mommy's hair and all he said was Lilli said you were beautiful.  That's his staple word for me.  He's always calling me beautiful and I love it.  He's really helped me accept the way I look.  I look in the mirror and sometimes see a monster looking back but Cody sees his beautiful mother and I can see her there sometimes.  The teachers have noticed too but none have said anything to me yet.  A majority of them knew I had cancer but some might not have known.  I would think it would have been obvious when I had long blonde hair, then short blonde hair, then a short blonde wig, to a long brunette wig to now my buzz cut.  Does a woman really change her looks that much in a 8 month span?  Well, maybe but I think the wigs were a little obvious.  But then again, tons of moms and dads roll through that preschool in a day.  They can't possibly remember what each parent (hair) looks like on a daily basis. 

I must admit that I'm handing my new look better than I thought.  On Monday I was a mess.  I dropped Cody off in the morning and I don't know by the time I got to work I was a mess.  Thank goodness I brought my wig with me because I ended up having to go to a meeting outside my office and there was no way I was ready to see people looking like this.  Strangers yes but people who are distant co-workers that didn't know about my cancer would have probably given me the strangest looks and I certainly wasn't going to cry at work.  Well, maybe in my cube but not at a meeting. 

It might sound silly to get upset over hair but I do.  Now I don't wish Cancer on anyone, not even my worst enemy but loosing your hair strand by strand to the point of baldness and growing it back slowly as if you are an infant is difficult.  I like to joke with my co-workers....I have no part.  Look, it all grows toward my face like a baby.  It drives me a little nuts but I know in time, I'll have a cute style.  I'm actually thinking of getting Ellen Degeneres haircut.  I need to actually find a photo that I like and try to get mine cut soon so it has some sort of style and shape.

So I'm accepting my new look and as each day goes by, I'm handling it better and better.