Eye Doctor

I've had about enough of my face and eyes acting up. I finally made an appointment with my eye doctor.  The redness and gook in my eyes are getting annoying and I'm just tired of not being normal.  As you know I went to my primary care with 2 prescriptions and no luck.  Then I went to the dermatologist got 1 prescription and started getting relief.  But my eyes were still giving me issues.  I'm angry but then I started to get nervous.  I just got a clean bill of heath from the eye doc back in August.  Could something wrong be happening?  I just couldn't sit back and do nothing about it.  So I got called back and the assistant had me put my face up against this machine.  She had a symbol lite up in green.  She turned a knob and the symbol went out of focus, back in focus and out of focus.  I thought oh geez, I hope my eyes are doing what their suppose to.  Then she blew some air in my eyes which I couldn't help but blink and then of course my eyes watered.  Is that good or bad?  I waited a few minutes and the doctor called me back.  He had me put my face up to a machine and did a few things.  I'm thinking.  Please give me a positive sign.  He then pulled the machine away and asked me what was the problem.  So I explained to him when I came in back in August I had a good appt with you but showed that I had a little dryness under my eye which you said to put some hydrocortisone cream on.  Well I did and it didn't clear it up so I let it go for a few weeks.  Then I went to my primary care who prescribed (as I handed him the meds) these prescriptions.  They didn't work.  So weeks later I went to my dermatologist.  She said A, B, & C and prescribed me this (handed him the med).  I told him she was thinking of a steroid eye drop but didn't cause she wanted to see how the steroid cream did.  And so far it's doing well but I worry since I'm putting it around my eyes what kind of long term damage it could do.  So he explained what he thought was best for me and prescribed me an eye drop.  I do like my eye doctor so I'm hoping this eye drop will nip it in the butt cause I'm really tired of not wearing makeup and I'm super tired of waking up in the morning with my eyes sealed shut.  So after the mega long line at the grocery store I finally got my eye drops.  Around 10pm I took my 1st dose and this was so different from my last eye drop prescription.  This one was not ice cold, it was very thick so it didn't run out of my eyes and it didn't seem to burn or sting my eye.  Well, we'll see how my eyes look in the morning but as of now, I'm comfortable with this medicine and I'm happy that the doctor didn't say anything negative about my eyesight.  Just to try to figure out what could have caused this to occur by focusing on anything that could agitate me.  Such as new cologne, or facial lotion.  Possibly something new at work or at home.  I know there's a ton of dust on the desks at work and sometimes when the cleaning people come by and dust it goes everywhere.  Or maybe it's my cell phone or my work phone?  Sure they could use a little clorox.  Well whatever the case may be, hopefully I'm on my way to a cure.

Merry Christmas

Finally......
Cody's 5 and he's finally ripped through all his presents in record time.  I was beginning to wonder if this child didn't like wrapped gifts.  One Christmas it took him 2 days to open his presents.  It was absolutely adorable.  This year he meant business

Pictures to come soon.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Christmas Eve

So beautiful to see the snow come down on Christmas Eve.  Today Cody was at school and Ken was at work.  I was feverishly wrapping presents.  Not exactly the way I want to spend a free day off from the boys.  I should be at the spa right?  I mean who do you think bought all that stuff?  Plus mailed out a ton of Christmas cards, wrote the Christmas letter, baked cookies, made a gingerbread house and.......works full time????  But when you sit down on the couch for a quick break from sitting on the floor wrapping, all the windows are open and your sipping down that extra hot cup of hot chocolate, looking out the window to see the 1st real snowfall only to realize it's Christmas Eve just brought such happiness to me as well as peace.

I picked Cody up around 2:30pm and I was so happy to see him.  He's so excited about santa coming to town and I realized that tonight is Elfy's (elf on the shelf) last night with us.  He's off to the north pole for the rest of the year. 

Luckily for Santa, I made those cookies on Sunday.  Cody put out the milk and cookies for jolly Saint Nick and a few carrots for his reindeer.  Up to bed Cody went at 8:00 just in time for the craziness of bringing all the presents out of hiding to place them under the tree.   I filled the stockings and took a few photos.  Shrew....we're done.

Ken and I went downstairs to watch a Christmas Carol.  We could barely stay awake.  We thought we better get to bed and set the alarm to make sure we beat Cody out of bed.  I know, it sounds silly but with my new 1 year old wild woman virgin hair, I have to wash and style it every day.  Last year I didn't want to take photos.  I had no hair, still wore my wig which after a few months, I really abused it.  My eyelashes and eyebrows were falling out.  I just had surgery 11 days prior and I was still really weak from the whole ordeal.  This year I am determined to take photos.  So I have to be photo ready.

Anyway, goodnight and ......   Twas the night before Christmas and all through the night, not a creature was stirring  not even mom and dad.

Looks like the cream is working

I can't believe it.  It's like night and day.  My face is softening up and the crust and flakes are disappearing.  I'm thrilled.  But my eye was gooped over this morning and red when I got it open.  So what do I do?  Well, I think I'm going to see how my eye does over the weekend and make a decision on Monday.  I think if I can stay in control the flakes then I can focus on my eye.  I'll keep you posted.


Oh by the way, as I was driving home tonight from work, a rush of flurries flew thru the sky.  There's something about the 1st snowfall that is so beautiful and peaceful. 

Moment of Silence

For the 20 sweet little Angels and 6 courageous Angels.

Dermatologist

Well I finally had enough.  For weeks now I've had severely dry skin on my face.  I think I was in denial, that it would eventually go away.  I went to my primary care physician.  She prescribed me a cream but it wasn't doing anything.  In fact I think it was drying my skin out even more.  At times it felt like it was even burning my skin.  I called the doctor and she said it was normal.  Sure didn't feel normal to me.  Then I called back a few days later when my eye started getting goopy and red.  I described my symptoms and she prescribed eye drops.  So with a combination of the cream and eye drops nothing was working.  I don't know what's going on.  I feel like I'm completely falling apart.  I can see all this happening while on Chemo.  My system was low, I was open to sickness but now, a year later when I'm chemo free, getting healthier and healthier by the day yet I got this flaky dry skin, red circles under my eyes and of course the pink eyes.  It was getting to the point where my face was so dry it was hurting.  So when I went to work today my co-workers said, it's time to see the dermatologist.  I knew that's what I had to do but I just didn't love my dermatologist.  I went to her a few months back and my 1st experience with her was over in 2 minutes.  I was so un-impressed.  But what choice did I have?  I had to call her and guess what???  They said they'd squeeze me in.   Since her office was literally across the street from my office I left immediately.   Of course that really meant, come on over to the office, sit in the waiting room for a hour and then once we call you back sit in the back room for 15 more min.  Why didn't I bring a magazine or something to read???  She had all these pamphlets and of course I had to grab the one that had pictures of people with skin cancer which completely freaked me out.  Anyway, this time I had a completely different experience with her.  She was concerned about the way I looked and said the prior meds (cream and eye drops - brought them with me) I was taking was all wrong.  That makes sense since my skin never healed.   She prescribed me a special cream.  We discussed the treatment and she wanted to see me in a month.  Then I remembered that I had a tiny bump on the inside of my arm.  I figured since I'm here I might as well show her.  She decided to do a biopsy.  She said it wasn't a big deal but wanted to send it off anyway.  Of course now I'm nervous and I freaked out just a little bit when she was cutting it off.  I'm just so tired of being a human pin cushion.  Why do these things keep happening to me?

So the day at work was long.  I was anxious to get to the pharmacy and try out my new cream.  So hopping this will work.  I'd love to have my normal face back again. 

Broken Heart

I am still so sad by the entire incident at Sandy Hook Elementary School.  I can't stop thinking about these adorable little children who lost their lives.  All I can do is hug Cody.  I'm glad he doesn't understand what's going on but yet he wonders why I'm so attached to him right now. 

So sad

Last night I watched Dateline NBC that broadcasted the news of the horrible tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary school yesterday.  

I really had no idea what was going on.  I met Ken for lunch and we finished up on our errands.  When we got home we got ready for Cody's party.  I heard about the shooting but didn't know much about it.  I usually watch Dateline or 20/20 on Friday nights.  When I tuned in last night, all I did was cry.  I was shocked with horror and just couldn't believe someone would kill these innocent little children.

All the morning shows were broadcasting it as well this morning.  My heart is completely broken and I can't express the amount of sadness I have for the parents.

1 Year Ago

I year ago today I had a lumpectomy on my left breast and 5 lymph nodes removed from my left underarm.  The scars from that as well as my port are still visible.  It's always a constant reminder of what happened a little over a year ago.  All I can say is thank God I survived.  I can't imagine life any other way but on this earth with my family.

Shaved heads

http://sports.yahoo.com/photos/colts-cheerleaders-have-their-heads-shaved-slideshow/

Just not sure how I feel about this.  I applaud people who support cancer causes.  I applaud people who support cancer patients.  But I'm just not sure if I applaud people who shave their heads to support their friends that have cancer.  I'm just not sure.   I know cancer patients don't all share the same experiences or symptoms.  So that's why I don't know how I feel about this yet.  When I buzzed my head at my pixie/buzz party all my girlfriends were so supportive.  Even one was willing to buzz her head but I didn't want her too.  I didn't want her to loose her hair.  I just didn't think it was right.  But she was willing which I appreciated the thought.  Once my hair was gone everyone complimented me.  Said how pretty my eyes were.  How good I looked with short hair.  I also appreciated the compliments but I was eager to quickly put my wig on or cover my head with a scarf.  As time went by I lost all my hair but the biggest shock of it all was loosing my eyebrows and eyelashes at the same time.  Not only was I sick, recovering from surgery and so fatigued, I felt like a monster.  A horrible scary monster.  These girls that shaved their heads are healthy.  They looked like normal women who just happen to shave their head for a great cause.  They were energetic, had their natural skin tone, and had makeup on.  They looked great.  So I guess I'm on the fence because when I did buzz my hair I was still somewhat healthy, alert, and wearing makeup.  In the end, I wasn't. 

Ever wonder

Ever wonder why people are the way they are?  Why they say certain things?  Or do certain things?  Do they intentionally mean it?  Or do they seriously have no clue?  We live in a world that's constant, Go, go go.  Does anyone ever slow down and smell the roses?  Does anyone ever sit down and truly think of others.  Does anyone ever communicate anymore?

I had cancer last year and it hit me in the face like a brick.  It made me realize that life is precious.  But what's funny is even though I was sick, I had a child. There was no VIP treatment, no major downtime.  I had to be well. I had to be strong.  But I'm tired of being the strong one.  The one who always has a smile on my face.  The one who tries so hard to be there for people and in return I get nothing.  The only thing I ask for is respect.  And that doesn't happen? No.  Work is crazy and home is too.  I'm tired of people who are fake, who expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter and I'm just plain tired of it all.  I don't want this to ruin my holidays but I feel like it already has.  I don't have any interest at the moment to work on my Christmas cards or go Christmas shopping.  Does anyone really appreciate what I do?  Last year I was sick as a dog.  We went to PA for Thanksgiving 2 days after my last chemo treatment.  I was cold, bald, tired, and was mentally preparing for surgery in 3 weeks.  I ordered christmas cards, decorated our tree, and made cookies.  People who weren't even sick wondered how I did all that.  I was motivated to not let CANCER take away my fun.  But this year is different.  I feel awesome.  Sure I'm tired but I'm alive and happy.  But yet, the attitudes of certain people just really ruined my fun and I lost all interest in making an effort right now.  It's sad.  I know I shouldn't allow others to ruin my day, week, month or year but I don't know.  They did. 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

I'm thankful for.....

I'm thankful for being a Breast Cancer Survivor.  Today is my 1 year anniversary of my last chemo treatment.  Amazing!  What a difference a year makes.

So happy that this was my last treatment.  They couldn't get the meds in me quick enough so

 I could get outta there!!!

Flexing my muscles.  I'm feeling powerful!!!

ARIZONA IRONMAN

Today I followed (on the internet) my friend Karen participating in the Arizona Ironman race.  It was so exciting.  She posted that she was going to compete on facebook.  I thought geez, an Ironman race is such an amazing race to be a part of.  I had to follow her.  I logged on the the website and immediately I clicked on athlete tracker, looked for her name and followed.  It was so cool.  The first part of her race was a 2.4 mile swim which she did in 1 hour 25 min.  She transitioned from swim to bike.  The bike ride was 112 miles which she did in 6 hours 36 min.  Hopefully the majority of the ride was flat. So I'm hoping the bike ride was the easiest of the three events.  She then transitioned from the bike to the run.  The run was 26 miles (a marathon) which she finished in 4 hours 56 min.  I followed Karen as the hours went on throughout the day.  I was amazed at how the website broke down all her times at specific mile markers.  That gave me a chance to estimate when she would cross the finish line by watching her patterns.  By 4:30pm est, the website started it's live feed.  Unfortunately I didn't watch it from the very beginning so I didn't get to see how they started the race but I did get to see bits and pieces of the bike ride and run.  What I did see, the news focused on the top 10 racers.   I really tuned in as Karen got closer to the finish line.  I started jumping back on Facebook to see if there were any posts from her friends and there were.  They were keeping her friends updated on her status.  She was getting close.  It was actually really cool watching the live feed.  All these normal people became IRONMEN today.  It was so inspiring.  Words can't describe what I was feeling for these people.  These strangers.  Their faces said 1,000 words.  Happiness, accomplishment, empowering, passion, exhaustion, excitement, goals, etc.  I wish I could have been there to root them all on.  Anyone who does an Ironman has my respect. 

So back to Karen, I met her nine years ago when she was brand new to my office.  A bunch of newbies all started hanging out together.  I use to watch the Kona Ironman on tv and never had anyone to root for.  Well maybe the underdog.  But never in my wildest dreams did  I think one of us, my friend would one day run this race.  Life has a strange way of surprising us all.   

Anyway, I was glued to my live stream when I heard them say her name.  Karen Marinos "YOU ARE AN IRONMA."  I immediately took photos of my computer monitor as she crossed the finish line.
Karen, I'm so completely proud of you!  You are and will always be an IRONMAN!

Stay tuned for photos.

Scared

Over the last few months my side effects have been fading away which is great since I wasn't fond of any of them.  But today, actually recently, I've noticed my face is having issues.  When I was on chemo, I couldn't use face moisturizer because it burned my face.  So I haven't used it in a very long time in fear of my face reacting to it again.  Of course I'm watching the lines and wrinkles take over but I guess that's the way the ball bounces when you get older.  Anyway, I started using my face cream again but it got taken away by TSA on my way back from Phoenix.  So I've been creamless well, I use body lotion here and there to relieve the tightness.  I assume that might be part of my problem but my left under eye is starting to get poofy.  It looks as though I'm getting a dry patch on my right cheek.  It looks a little red.  So now, I'm starting to worry a bit.  I had my eyes checked out about a month or 2 ago.  The doc said my eyes were great.  So why is my eyelids getting poofy and my eyes are getting a bit gookie?  My brain is automatically saying eye cancer but the other side of my brain is saying focus Jen focus!  It's probably a reaction to something.  So I might have to swing by my doctor to get it checked out.  I just don't understand how I can be on the uphill climb only to feel like this is a set back.  So frustrating and of course I'm a little scared.

I'm thankful for....

My family.  I can't imagine life without them.

Cody said it best

We got home from our vacation last night and this morning Cody crawled into our bed at the break of dawn.  Even though I told him he didn't have football today and he could sleep in.  I think he gets his jollies getting up early.  So he came walking into our room with his mr. Blanket and his new buddy Perry.  He snuggled in the bed so close to us.  He then looked up and said, "It's good to be home."  we just laughed.  Although we had a nice trip, Cody's right.  It was so good to be home.

Animal Kingdom/Hollywood Studios

Fun, Fun, Fun!

Epcot

Didn't like it at 14 years old, Don't like it now.  To me,  by far it's the ugliest of the four parks and today it was so cold and windy I just couldn't bear to be there any longer.  Thank goodness Ken and Cody were ok with leaving early.  Bummer part was we met Jenny, John, Alyssa and Delaney at Epcot for breakfast which was nice and we got to ride a cool ride with them.  But we didn't get to hang out with them because I just didn't enjoy Epcot and the one ride I was really interested in for Cody was closed.  There wasn't much there for him so I thought going to a different park would work better for us.  So we went to Hollywood Studios.  Now that was cool and there were a ton of rides for Cody which made it fun for all of us.

Animal Kingdom

Never been to animal kingdom and I absolutely loved it.  I think it's because it was different than I expected.  I really loved the tropical aspect of it.  It was plush with ferns, palm trees, birds of paradise, etc.  I just loved everything about it.  The best part was it was another day at the park walking on the rides.  We ran over to the safari and got right on.  It was cool and I really enjoyed that ride.  I took a ton of photos which I'll post as soon as I get these photos downloaded.

Later, we went back to Magic Kingdom.  Ken's mom wanted to see the fireworks.  We saw them last night but figured we'd go again, this time watching from the front of the castle.  Oh my goodness what a sight.  Magic Kingdom was decked out in Christmas decorations.  There wasn't any Christmas decorations yesterday.  They must have worked though the night.  The castle was lite up in beautiful tones of pink, purple, blue, etc that changed.  It was like a fairy tale.  I took a ton of photos but I'm not so good at night photos so I hope they turned out.   Cody didn't want to pose for me so again, I have random scenery photos.  A little bummed but just happy to capture the moment in my head. 

Magic Kingdom

Our first day was Magic Kingdom.   Brought back memories from my childhood even though mine was spent in Disney Land.  The things I remember are the same.  Just updated.
Cody enjoyed it and so did I. 

I'm thankful for....

My wonderful little boy who turned 5 today.  Love you so much Cody!

Hurricane checklist

Bread .....  check
Milk ..... check
Water .... check
Batteries ..... check
Dropped off mom .....  check

Ok, we're ready.

7:00 PM  STOP THE PRESS!!! 

Schools, Metro, Busses, Federal/local Government 
ALL CLOSED TOMORROW!!!  
Whoo-hoo!

Winwood Preschool - OPEN?

  That doesn't make sense. 

Can I tell you I have one bummed little boy.  Mommy's happy but Cody is bummed.  He thought he was going to stay home with me tomorrow.  I hate to do it but mommy, weather pending, is going to take him to school tomorrow.  Not only do I need to get a ton of stuff done but I pay a lot of money to this school to watch him so......I know, it's bad but I won't send him there the entire day.  Besides, his school could close.  We'll have to see in the morning.

But for now I'm doing the happy dance.....all by myself.  :)

Paul and Janel's wedding

Didn't know how the weather would turn out for them but it turned out to be a very nice day and a beautiful wedding.  Best wishes to you both!

Bracing for Sandy

For the last few days, the news casters having been preparing us for Hurricane Sandy.  I left work early today to pick up mom so she could watch Cody tomorrow while Ken and I go to a wedding.  Before picking her up, I dropped off our bathroom window glass panel that broke in a prior wind storm.  I had to get the glass fixed before the storm came it.  They say hurricane Sandy is on her way up the east coast right now.  Of course we shouldn't see her till Sunday, Monday or Tuesday.  Everything is up in the air.  So after I dropped off the glass I thought I should run by Costco to get some gas.  Costco was a complete mad house.  The gas lines were CRAZY!  And the parking lot was packed.  Humm.....ok, I'll just get gas on my way to Winchester.  So I drove up Route 7 to Leesburg. I thought, I'll just swing by the Costco there, and grab some gas.  LINES of CARS everywhere?  What?  Why aren't these people at work?  It's 1:45pm.  I'm starting to see a pattern here.  And I'm starting to wonder if this storm is really going to be legit.  I thought maybe the newscasters were crying wolf.  So luckily I grabbed gas across the street.  Thought, I better fill my tank.  You never know.  If we do have a disaster they could close the gas stations down or hike up the prices sky high.  Luckily I got to Winchester with no issues, although there was more cars on the road than I expected.  I grabbed mom and headed right back to the window shop.  It was about 4:15pm when I got there and they had my window ready.  As I drove by Costco again, the line of cars extended on to the main road just to get gas.  This is just CRAZY!   It's just so weird to see everyone act this way for rain but then again, it's apparently the "Perfect Storm" aka Frankenstorm.  So in time, we'll see how all this turns out.  As of now, we're all home, we're all safe, there's no rain yet.  Just getting ready for Sandy.

Back to Virginia

Back in Virginia, driving home.  I pulled over and took a few photos. It's definitely fall here.

Driving to my Dad's house and this is what I see...

This is me. 
Open road, rugged mountains, beautiful blue sky.

Hanging out with family

So nice to just hang out with family.  And the best part is I got to see dad and he got to see me.  Both of us happy that the other is cancer free.

Scenery therapy

Last year this time I completed rounds of chemo.  I was so sick, I could barely drive.  Today I drove 3 hours to my dad's house and it was awesome.  Last October I could barely drive 30 min and now, one year later, I can drive 3 hours and with passion I drove.  That's the thing about Arizona.  The scenery to me is breath taking.  I can drive forever and enjoy everything God created.  The mountains are so rugged and free of trees.   I pulled over and took a few photos.  Hoping to catch the memory so I never forget it.

I arrived at dad's and everyone was there.  It was so nice to see Dad, Karen, Tammy, Jenna, Morgan, Cheyenne, Colleen, Aunt Nooch and Uncle Joe.  I tried to take some photos so again, I could savor the memory.  We had a nice time.  I enjoyed being with them.  I think Dad really liked seeing me and everyone said I looked really good.  When I think about it, I feel like I do look good and I feel like I'm getting stronger and stronger.  I know I say that over and over but it's a very powerful feeling.  Especially when I was at my lowest last year.  And I never want to go back to that ever again. 

Phoenix Bound

Last year when I had cancer I told Ken I wanted to take a vacation.  Originally I thought Aruba would be the place to go.  Seriously, after chemo, surgery and radiation I thought I deserved it.  Then after being burned alive by radiation I thought maybe I don't want to go hang out in the sun for a week.  Then I got a call from dad telling me that his cancer may have come back.  I thought oh crap!  I better go see him.  But it seemed like it took the doctors forever to make up their mind.  Was it cancer, did it spread, will he need chemo or just radiation.  So many questions.  Time went by.  The next thing I know, he had 5 treatments of radiation and suddenly he's cancer free again.  Which we are so happy about.  I kept telling Ken, I really got to get to AZ to see dad.  Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months and the next thing you know I was looking at October.  Prices on airline tickets were so high.  I was really disappointed for waiting so long.  Ken's mom said she'd watch Cody for me so all I had to do was find that flight.  Then it dawned on me.  If I take Cody to Ken's mom or meet her half way, I had to pass the Harrisburg airport so I took a look and I actually found a ticket that was reasonable.  Sure I had to drive 2 hours to it which is sad since I have an airport just 5 or so miles from my house.  Sure I had  a connection flight instead of a non-stop but I don't mind.  As long as I could get to AZ.  And that's just what I did.  Phoenix here I come.

Of course nothing is ever as smooth as you'd like it to be.  My connection was in Detroit which by the way is a huge airport was delayed.  So I was suppose to land in PX at 5pm I didn't land till 6:10pm.  I know it doesn't sound like much but the pilot hauled A$$ to get there at a decent time.  Which for me was awesome.  Sure I would have liked to get there on time but why fly 4 hours when you can fly for 3.  :)  Anyway, when I was delayed, I called Melanie and told her to cancel my happy hour.  When I arrived my friend Claudia who picked me up said everyone was waiting for me and they didn't cancel  my happy hour.  

So we cruised up to north Phoenix and I was so excited to see my friends.  These people helped me last year.  They're words of support meant more to me than they can even imagine.  Besides my family, my friends kept me going.  Cancer is no joke.  And they were there for me every step of the way.

Therapy

A few days ago I got an e-mail from Ramona, a co-worker of mine from Phoenix.  She said she along with Dee and Maria were coming to DC to attend a service awards ceremony.  She asked me as well as other PX alumni if we wanted to attend.  I of course hardly ever say no to my Phoenix friends.  So I made my way up to DC and boy, what a to-do.  My friend, Dee was celebrating her 40th anniversary with our company.  I met Dee back in 1995 and I never realized at the time that she already had 23 years in ant there's no way at that time in my life did I ever think in a million years that I would attend her 40th anniversary in DC.  Funny how things turn out but I really enjoyed seeing her, Maria and Ramona.  I also enjoyed being a part of the ceremony and seeing all the people that celebrated 25, 30, 35 and 40 years of service.  In fact, I actually worked with 2 other people that I didn't even know were going to be there.  Porter from 1990 - 1992 and again in 1997 and D'Andre from 1992-1995.  I wanted to say hi to them but I lost them at the reception.  I'm a little bummed but my focus was my Phoenix friends.  Other PX alumni that came were Kevin, Rich, Darren, and Julie.  I really enjoyed talking with Julie.  She has a little boy 1 year older than Cody and I'm hoping that we'll have a get together in the near future. 

The events went by quickly and I said goodbye to my friends.  I didn't wait long for my bus and as we got on the parkway, I noticed the bright blue sky.   For once, it was a bright blue sunny sky and I thought what an inspiring and therapeutic day today was.  I needed to see people from my past.  It's been a long time since I've visited AZ and seeing my old co-workers made me feel like I walked back in time and it made me realize where I was a year ago and where I am today.  I'm one lucky girl.
And seeing old friends was just the therapy I needed.

Hey 50!

Went to physical therapy today and I'm loving it.  Well, not loving it but kind of.  As I walked in I promptly started my exercises.  Hate them!  It's not hard, just annoying and I'm wondering how much of this I could do or should be doing at home.  So I was doing those "fun" exercises when one of the girls that was getting a massage (I'm assuming a deep tissue) starts screaming.  I kind of giggled.  Then she started screaming again and started laughing.  I started laughing cause I can feel her pain.  It's hard to explain it but when he digs in, the pain is so out of control painful but then it feels good.  So you scream but then you laugh.

I'd say about 30 min in, he called me over and said ok Jen, your turn.  I sat on the massage table as he came over.  He sat on his chair next to the table and I said: "What's up 50?"  He looked at me strange and said: "50?".  Ya, 50 shades of Grey.  That's so you....50 shades of Andrew.  He started laughing. His place reminds me of the red room of pain.  His is the white room of pain.  It's just a silly comparison that gets me through the hour.  And humor gets me through the day.

So as I lay on the table he digs in and sure enough I holler.  Nice and loud.  Oh that hurts.  He's in a mood today.  First the other girl, now me.  Yup, that's my 50!

Pumpkin Patch

I love this pumpkin patch.  It's in New Media, Pennsylvania. 

Weekend at the fair

Tears in my eyes

Tonight Cody was so tired.  He didn't really eat his dinner.  He just looked exhausted and you know what...I was too.  Maybe something is going around.  A couple of my co-workers said they weren't feeling well and one of my co-workers actually had pink eye.  Anyway, Cody ate some broccoli and headed upstairs.  He told me he was ready for bed.  I took him up and we were talking.  I told him how much I loved and adored him.  He smiled.  I gave him a kiss goodnight and he went to give me one too.  I leaned down, he leaned up and said, "mommy, your hair is in my way."  I haven't heard him say that in such a long time.  Hair in his face is music to my ears and put a smile on my face from ear to ear.

Thinking about him and what he said, brings tears to my eyes.   I'm truly blessed.

A few more shades

You know what that means......It's physical therapy time.  I must admit, I was so not in the mood to go to physical therapy today.  I'm just having a hard time commuting to work, working an 8 hour day, commuting home and going to 1 hour of physical therapy.  It's a long day.  Then add dinner, dishes, shower and bedtime for Cody.  I feel like by the time I actually get to sit down and rest it's time to go to bed.  It's actually frustrating.  Oh yes and add the chilly mornings, nights and the sun going down earlier doesn't help either.  I'm a summer girl and I love daylight and warmth.  And those sunny days are coming to an end.  Only highs in the 70's this week.

So anyway, I made my way to PT and Andrew greeted me with a smile.  I'm sure he has some fun in store for me today.  His assistant which for some reason I can't think of her name right now handed me the dreaded bendy bar.  Man that thing makes my arms burn.  But I must admit, my underarms aren't giggling as much as they use to.  Maybe I'm toning up a bit?  Anyway, I did my required exercises and then Andrew called me over to the massage chair.  Every Tuesday and Thursday I dream of a heavenly massage.  But nope, I got the opposite.  He had me lay on my stomach with my arms extended.  He used the ultra sound machine on the back side of my armpit and rubbed it from side to side and in a circular motion.  It felt good to a point.  That machine loosens up the tightness.  Then he massaged my shoulder blade and my neck muscles.  That is where the pain jolted me off the table.  I screamed of course as he told me to relax.  How can I relax when it hurts?  He then worked on the back of my shoulder and also cracked my back a bit.  Strange but it felt really good.  In fact when he was done, I felt so much better.  My arm as usual is still tender and sore but I do really see some major improvements.

So even though I had no desire to go to physical therapy today.  I'm glad I did.  But I am still looking forward to getting back to normal soon.  If there is ever such a thing as normal after cancer.
 

My new haircut!!!

1st haircut since August 2011

 

I'll try to get a better photo later.  Cody took this one so it's a little blurry.

Happy Birthday MOM!

Happy Birthday Mom! 

We had a nice time celebrating your birthday!

Hanging out with Friends

It's been a while since I've seen my good friends David and Dana.  We finally had a chance to get our schedules together and I'm so glad we did.  I really enjoyed hanging out with Dana and the kids.

Follow up appointment with the surgeon

So today I had my follow up appointment with Dr. Purkert.  I really like him.  He's so nice and takes his time with me everytime I see him.  I just hate the location of his office and the last time I had an appointment I was in his waiting room for 1 hour.  So I was a bit annoyed.  Today I came prepared.  I brought my 50 shades of Grey book with me.  I really want to finish this book so I can return it to my friend.

My appointment was at 9:30am.  I left my office at 9:00 am and to my surprise I got there in 10 min.  In northern VA, you just can't predict traffic.  When you think it's going to be bad, it's good and when you would expect it to be good, it's bad.  Go figure?  This morning, I thought it would be average and of course, it was better than average.  So I get there about 9:15 and sign in.  The receptionist for some reason never acknowledges me.  I don't get it.  But so far, it's been like this twice.  I might have gotten angry but I thought, let me just sit and wait and read.  By the time I actually got to see Dr. Purkert I actually read about 30 pages.  I'm not really a fast reader but this is the most pages I've read in one sitting.

Dr. Purkert's assistant Arsi, is so nice.  She asked about Cody and how I was feeling.  What's been going on the last few months since they've seen me last and if there any questions/concerns I have.  I just mentioned to her that I started physical therapy because I wasn't using my left arm and that my stupid office made me come back to work full time.  She raised her eyebrow at that one and slightly shook her head back and forth in a disapproving manner.  I know....idiots.  Anyway, I need to move on before I get angry on that topic.  She told me to undress top up and that the Dr. would be in shortly.

Dr. Purkert walked in and smiled asking me how I'm doing.  Good I said.  Tired also but that's normal for me.  He looked at me and smiled again.  I gave him my mammo film and he put the up lighted area where x-rays are viewed.   He pointed out the left breast, right breast, the markers they stuck to me and what's normal and not.  I was amazed and of course thrilled when he said everything looked absolutely normal and very good.  

He called Arsi back in for the actual exam.  I lowered my plastic cover up.  He layed me down on the table and examined my chest.  He felt nothing.  He sat me up and looked at each of my scars.  He was very pleased with the scar on my left breast, my left underarm, and my port scar.  He saw bruises on my upper arm near underarm scar.  He asked about them and I said it was from physical therapy.  He told me to tell my therapist to ease off the deep tissue massage.  He said that will take about a week to heal.  Surprisingly it really hurts.  I never left Andrew feeling pain a day later and now the doc is saying it will hurt for a week?  YIKES!  Anway, I told him my underarm and breast was still tender and he again told me it was normal.  Eventually it will go away in time.  Ok?  I guess.  He aksed about my port scar and I told him it's so itchy.  He told me he could recommend a plastic surgeon.  But to wait for a year.  I agreed with him.  I'm in no hurry to go back under the knife and although it's itchy, it's a part of me.  Unfortunately a constant reminder of my port and cancer but it is a part of me.

So Dr. Purkert was happy with my results and said, I'll see you in a year.  A year?  Wow, that's a long time from now but since time goes by so quick I'll be talking about my followup before I know it.   Before I left, Arsi wrote a script for my mammo next September.  I figured I'd have one before that but what do I know?  I have to see the oncologist in December so I'm sure she'll fill me in a little more about followup appointments. 

All in all, I'm one happy girl. 

Four more shades

Oh my, today was interesting.  I had my appointment with 50 shades of Andrew this afternoon and let me tell you, it was utter torture.  I did my normal exercises which I already don't like.  I swear going to physical therapy reminds me why I hate going to the gym.  I get bored so fast with exercises.  I know it's important but I'd rather ride my bike or roller blade (is that even still in these days?) instead of standing in front of a mirror watching myself use the bendy board or leaning up against the wall, doing 20 shoulder lifts and then 20 shoulder lifts with my arms extended up the wall?  It's probably a weird visual but I'm just not an exercising kind of gal which obviously why I'm in physical therapy.

So Andrew had me lay on the massage chair.  Even though I don't enjoy some of the rub downs do to the pain but I do enjoy laying on the table and resting while he works his magic.  Today he decided to get this machine out.  I thought he said it was an untrasound machine but I don't think that's right.  He had a wand and it was warm to the touch.  He took the wand and moved it back and forth in a quick motion under my arm where the scar is.  It felt good but after a while it was a little annoying.  Just imagine someone rubbing the same area over and over again.  Anyway, after that he did a deep tissue massage and that's when my eye jumped out of my head.  I can't believe the amount of pain.  It was like he was hitting all the tender spots as well as all the really tight spots.  How can surgery under my arm with just 5 lymph nodes missing be such a pain in my butt?  Such minor surgery and so much work to get me back to normal.  It's my fault I know.

Anyway, I left feeling good but in pain.  I'm exhausted and all I want to do is go home and rest.  

Remembering 911

Have you ever met someone that didn't know exactly where they were when the planes hit the towers?  I haven't.  In fact everyone has a story. 

It's sad to think of how many lost their lives that day.  I fought for my life to survive breast cancer but these people never had a chance to fight for their life.  It happened so fast.  My heart goes out to them.

We will always remember.

The circus!

Ken and I took Cody to the Cole Brothers circus in Ashburn.  It's actually the same place Cody plays flag football so when we went to football yesterday there was no way we could miss the big tent.  Of course Cody asked if he could go and we of course said yes.

Pictures and more to come....

CANCER FREE!!!

Total heart failure!!!   Today my heart has been racing like mad.  This is my 1st mammogram appointment since I was diagnosed last year with breast cancer.  I actually started freaking out last night but Ken (calm and cool Ken) said, you shouldn't stress out Jen.  The doctors all said you were cancer free.  Ok, that was several months ago and even though the doctors said I was cancer free, to me, the actual tests will show the real deal.

So I went to work and it seemed like the day just dragged by.  I was seriously watching the clock.  My sister, Wendy told me she'd go with me.  Initially when I made the appointment I didn't think about asking her or Ken to go with me.  The appointment was months away and I was trying not to think about it.  But the other day Wendy mentioned going with me and I quickly took her up on her offer.

She met me at my office and we went to lunch.  It was so nice just chit chatting with her.  Since my mammo appointment is on my side of town, she followed me over to the doctor so she could leave from there.  Walking in to the office, my heart starting racing.  Fear just overtook my body.  I just couldn't believe how nervous I was.  Just like I have a fear of the dentist, I now fear mammos and just like the dentist they called me in as soon as I walked through the door.  (Amazing since I've waited at so many other doctor offices for hours on end)  Anyway,  I walked back and changed.  As soon as I sat down again, they called me back.  Wendy waiting in the waiting room and I went on alone.  They took 5 images total 3 on the left and 2 on the right.  She told me to go back to the waiting room and she would let me know the results immediately.  Apparently once you're diagnosed with breast cancer, they review your films immediately instead of waiting.  She came back about 5 minutes later and called me and Wendy into a small room.  My heart was leaping out of my chest.  I looked up at her, since I sat down due to wobbly legs and she said your mammo is normal and there is no evidence of cancer.  SO I'M CANCER FREE???  YES.  I couldn't believe what I heard.  It just didn't seem real.  There's no way??  Can I be dreaming?  But I'm not.  I'm so happy right now.

As Wendy and I walked out of the doctors office, we both were exhausted.  She was so worried for me and now we're both happy but both worn out.  I had a 15 min ride home and she a 45 min ride.  Both of us need to chill for the rest of the evening but I'm happy to report that......

I'M CANCER FREE !!!

  

Running on low fuel

For the last few weeks, I've been on the go.  I swore to Cody last summer that this summer, if mommy was well, would make it the best summer ever.  Now that summer is coming to an end I feel like I made this promise come true.  We went to Knoebel's amusement park, Great waves water park, Ocean City, the community pool and we've visited relatives, gone to birthday parties, had some friends over.

So, now that Labor day is here, I'm completely drained.  My entire body feels like it's been beat, slumped over and wiped out.  It sucks.  I feel like things went quick.  I ended radiation in March.  I started back to work full time in May and it's been go, go, go ever since.  Throw physical therapy in the mix and you've got one tired girl.  But, the good thing is... I had an awesome summer with tons of photos, memories and the happiest little boy ever.  And that's so important to me.

Rocket Ride

Kiddie coaster - Ken and Cody in the 3rd car.  Looks like their loving it.

Mom and Cody acting like pirates in a pirate show

I didn't ride this adult roller coaster but Ken and Cody did.  I was so nervous for Cody but he actually wasn't afraid and really liked this Rollercoaster.  With the name "THE PHOENIX"  how could you not like it. 

Ethan (Cody's cousin), Cody and Ken on the log ride

Grammy and Cody at Knoebel's 

Great Waves Water Park

Cody on the kiddie water slide

This water slide is pretty quick.  With a 1 foot landing on the bottom, it's pretty hard on adults.  Ha-ha!

He really loved the wave pool.  Can you tell?

Chilling with Aunt Wendy before the crazy waves came.

Cody and Mommy

Ocean City, Maryland

Mermaid Cody

Focused on his construction trucks.  There's a huge beach to plow.

To busy to look up

 

The Boardwalk

Didn't even go in here.  Cody would have freaked out.

Daddy and Cody

Cody was thrilled to pose with this skeleton pirate.  Great actor, very animated.

I feel like Labor day is the end of summer and the beginning of school which means, life will get back to normal which means hibernation is on the way.  I slow down in the fall and way down in winter so I know R & R is on the way.

Happy Labor Day everyone!

Celebrating Wendy's Birthday

Today my sister Wendy came over to celebrate her birthday.  Her actual birthday was a few weeks ago but she was out of town.  This was the first weekend we had a chance to get together.  I would have liked to have done a little more for her but as you read, I've been slowing down lately and just don't have the energy to get creative. 

It was really nice having her over.  I made lasagna and we had birthday cake for desert.  Cody was hanging out with Ken in the basement so it gave Wendy and I time to chat.  It was fun catching up.  Talking about clothes, shoes, her vacation to Utah, and just plain old girl talk.  It was fun. 

Eventually the lasagna was done and she blew out the candles on her cake.  We watched a video of Cody playing flag football and before I knew it time flew by and she had to go.  We literally lived about 2 miles apart but now we're about 45 min apart.  And that's with good traffic.  It's a bummer but we really love living in Ashburn.  Maybe one day I can convince Wendy to move closer to us.  :)

Happy Birthday WENDY!!! 

Torture!!!

1st - 3 hours of CPR training.  9am - noon
2nd - 1 hour of Physical therapy.  5pm - 6pm

= TORTURE

I can't believe how much pain my arm was in today.  Believe it or not, but CPR training is exhausting. Doing 30 chest compressions on a dummy multiple times was incredibly tiring.  Thank goodness I had a few hours to rest.  But seriously, I'm starting to not look forward to physical therapy.  I assume it's because I'm lazy.  I'm not one that enjoys exercising.  Andrew has helped and I can see improvement with my arm but sheez...it really does feel like torture.  I like the massage and I've decided when therapy is over, I'm going to treat myself to a real massage therapist and it will be the most relaxing treatment I've had in years.  I feel like I need to have ocean water or some sort of birds chirping in the background with my eyes closed.  Not wide open with bright lights and a guy over me digging for gold in my arm pit.  

I really need to get my arm back in proper working order so I hope I continue with this and work through the exhaustion.

Green thumb part II

Having a green thumb is therapy for me.  Growing stuff makes me happy.  A few weeks back I posted photos of the garden I was growing.  Radishes, green peppers, tomatoes, basil, dill, scallions, and the unknown corn stalk.  I've enjoyed watching all these plants grow and so far, the radishes have been my most satisfying plant since it was the quickest from seed, to plant to harvest.  I think I pulled approximately 60 tomatoes off the vine.  I tried to grow cherry tomatoes but I think I started that plant a little to late.  I'm getting tomatoes but they are falling off the vine before they ripen. The dill, scallions and the corn stalk didn't really pan out but the green peppers are growing like mad.  I think I have about 15 peppers growing and all I can think about is eating them.  Knowing my luck they'll all ripen at the same time.  Luckily, they are different sizes so I think I can space them out a bit between pickings.

So the reason why I mentioned my green thumb is not only am I having fun with my garden, I'm also having fun with flowers.   Here are a few pictures of my flowers and veggies.

My beautiful vine

 Rosemary

 Basil

 My hibiscus and an ornery ant that wouldn't leave it alone

 Cherry tomatoes - come on ripen already

 Green peppers growing

 Regular tomatoes - yummy

Get a room and leave my hibiscus alone!

For some reason I had a ton of little critters that wouldn't leave my hibiscus alone.  I had a hard time fighting off all the bugs almost to the point of major frustration.  I'm thinking about not buying the hibiscus next year and trying out a different plant.  I do love the beautiful flowers so I might give in and try again but I'll be ready with my bug sprays and home remedies to fend off the little suckers.

Eye doctor appointment

So a few weeks ago,   I finally decided that I had to get my act together and seriously make some doctor appointments.  My oncologist said I needed to pay attention to my body and take care of it.  Of course I take care of my body but I remember a time when if I didn't necessarily feel well,  I would tend to ignore my symptoms and hope in time they'd go away.  So about 2 weeks ago, I noticed my right eye started to get really dry right under my bottom eyelashes.  I found that so odd and of course my brain immediately went to OH CRAP I HAVE EYE CANCER.  I mean why else would the skin under my eye get dry unless something wasn't wrong.  I know it sounds crazy but I've never had an eye appointment.  I don't wear glasses and I can see just fine so I thought why would I need to make an eye appointment if everything is going fine.  So I made the appointment and today finally came.  I was actually really nervous.  What if something was wrong?  Could I have an infection in my eye?  Is the dry skin under my bottom lash something the EYE doctor would be concerned about?  Should I have gone to my primary care doc a week ago?  And of course scared since I haven't been to an eye doctor, what should I expect?   It should be pretty painless but I'm a chicken when it comes to meeting new doctors.  More now than ever since the last few I met, gave me great pain but in the same sentence, saved my life.

My appointment was at 2pm.  My first impression of the office wasn't that great.  It's a doctors office but the waiting room area is filled with shelves of eye glasses and 2 chairs.  Where am I going to sit?  But it made sense because as soon as I handed over my paperwork I was called back to start my appointment.  Humm...Impressed I am?  (I'm suddenly sounding like Yoda.)  But the eye doctor wasn't the doc doing the initial exam which made me think, why is it that all the assistants or nurses do all the ugly work and get paid way less?  Makes no sense but that's the way it is at my job.  Anyway, the assistant (don't know her official title) was awesome. She explained everything to me and walked me through the entire appointment.  I was really impressed with her.  I felt completely comfortable and as the tests continued I felt more and more confident that my eyes were ok.  

I paid extra for a special test that takes pictures of your eyes.  It looks for all sorts of stuff like diabetes, cancer, glaucoma, etc.  It was amazing to see my eye in that way but yet scary cause I couldn't read the photo.

Eventually the doctor came and I immediately liked him.  He was very kind and friendly.  He didn't rush me through my visit and carefully explained everything to me.  He also did another test with me, the eye chart and as he asked me to read off the lines, he would switch lens and asked which lens was clearer.  There were definite differences but some that I couldn't tell and I thought oh geez I'm second guessing myself.  But apparently I did well.  I don't need glasses and I'm really happy about that.  I know this sounds silly but it's hard enough sporting my out dated hair style, adding glasses to the mix would just throw me off completely.  Then he went over the special test and luckily everything looked good.  No issues with my eyes at all.  Now this will stay on their file so when I see the doctor next year I can elect to do the test again.  That way the doctor can compare the tests for changes. 

So today was a good day for me.  :)

50 shades of Andrew

Ok, today I had my physical therapy appointment.  Let me tell you....I was really looking forward to my 5pm appointment today.  I was ready for the day at the spa.  Tuesday was paradise.  It was a complete arm massage and I was thrilled with the progress I made.  But today, it was different.  I got there early and immediately I was put to work with exercises.  ARM EXERCISES???  I can't believe the amount of pain I felt.  And it wasn't the kind of pain I expected.  They handed my a flexible bar.  I had to hold it in a perpendicular position and shake my arm holding it out for a min.  Then change to my right arm.  Then turn it to a parallel position and shake it as my arm was out in front of me.  Again each position was done for a minute.  It was like my arm jelly was jiggling back and forth and the pain came from muscle burn.  It was crazy.  I thought I was working out in the gym.  Then I had a series of other arm exercises.  Here I was thinking I would just lie down on the massage table and get a massage.  Oh, I did get a massage but that was at the end and it was no paradise.  Andrew decided to dig deep into my scar tissue.  YEOW!! I yelped.  Then he was maneuvering my arm all around, stretching it in all different directions.  Then he turned me to my side and stretched out my left side.  It almost felt like he was pushing my skin right off my ribs.  Is this normal?  My poor left side is still kind of numb from surgery.  I wonder if I'm normal to still be feeling like this?  Who knows but as I left the 1st thing popped in my head was the book 50 shades of Grey.  Now, I haven't read the entire book yet but I get the gist of what's going on.  And when I compare the book to Andrew let's just be honest here, there is no relationship, it's all physical therapy and nothing but physical therapy but I can't help to laugh a little in my head in comparing the book with him.  All I can say is I felt tortured due to the unexpected work out that left my muscles burning but yet left feeling relieved and satisfied.  Strange huh?  

So we'll see how many shades Andrew has.  So far,  I've experienced at least 4 shades. 

Physical Therapy

The last time I saw my Oncologist, she said I needed to go to a physical therapist.  I admit, I'm a righty so I never use my left arm but I didn't realize how much I really didn't use my left arm until this morning.  My 1st appointment was with Andrew at Aid Performance.  I found it through my insurance company and was happy to see that this place was only a few miles from my house.  In fact besides my primary care physician, this location is the 2nd closest specialist to my house.  Thank goodness!

So my appointment was at 8am.  I filled out a bunch of paperwork and sat down with Andrew as he went through it.  He asked a few questions and did a bunch of measurements.  Afterward, he told me lay down on a massage table.  He massaged my entire arm including my underarm where my scar is.  It was so relaxing and I could feel my arm starting to loosen up a bit.  He did dig a little deep into the scar which hurt a little but it didn't kill me.  I actually felt good when he was done I thought, geez, I should have done this weeks ago.  My arm was loose and I feel very alive and ready to tackle the day.

Of course after driving 1/2 hour to work I suddenly got really tired and thought oh geez, I should have taken the day off to rest.  I'm wiped.

In the beginning of our conversation, Andrew said I needed PT (physical therapy) 3 days a week for 90 days but then scaled it back to 2 days a week with a possible finishing date sometime in October depending on how I do.

Overall I'm happy I signed up for physical therapy.  I'm anxious to see how long it takes to get my left arm in proper working order.

Love those feathers!

If one more person says that they love my feathered hair, I'm going to scream!  Well not out loud.  :)  At work today 2 people said they liked my feathers.  I said ya, my 1980's feathered hair that drives me nuts.  It's to short to straighten and almost to short to curl.  So when my 3rd co-worker said, you look so cute today with your Fea....I said, don't say it.  She stopped and smiled.  And we both laughed.  Ok, seriously, I'm not in love with my hair but I don't despise it.  I'm happy to have hair.  It sure beats being bald but I'd love to have my flowing locks again.  But looking at photos of my pink sisters who have been there and done that.  I know those locks are on their way.

Chemo, One Year later

One year ago I had my 1st chemo session.  I can't believe it's been a year already.  I feel weird today.  I remember that day well but yet I don't want to remember it at all.  But it's a part of me.  It will always be a part of me.

Update # 25

Hello everyone!!!!   It's been quite a while since I've e-mailed you all with an update so I thought on the eve of my 1st chemo treatment 8/7/11, I might as well send out the latest on what's going on.  One year ago today I was completely freaking out.  Knowing that my 1st chemo treatment was hours away, I was afraid of the unknown and I was afraid of dying.  Today, a year later, I'm thinking about that night and I'm determined to stay a breast cancer survivor.  I made a promise to Cody last year that this summer would be the best summer ever.  And so far, it is.  Here's what's been going on in the last few months.  Happy reading!!

How I feel:
All and all I would say things have been good.  I'm actually beginning to feel like my life is getting back on track.    I'm still recovering from the entire ordeal and everyday that goes by I can feel myself getting stronger.  I'm amazed at how fast time has gone by.  Can you believe that it's been 8 months since I finished chemo, 7 1/2 months since surgery and 5 months since my last radiation treatment?   Sometimes it almost feels like a dream.  Last year this time I had already found my lump, was diagnosed, went thru the whirl wind of tests, had my port surgery and was getting ready for my first chemo treatment (Aug. 8th).   I just can't believe where I was and where I am today.  And as of now, I'm still cancer free.  Whoo-hoo!

Radiation: 
To my surprise, the areas on my body that were radiated are still really tender.   The flaming red blisters left months ago but I still don't have my normal skin tone on my left side.  Hey,  I'll take whatever skin tone I get as long as I'm healthy right?  I've seen all my doctors and from what they all said, the majority of the tenderness is still from surgery.  I just didn't expect such a long recovery period for 3 small areas. 

Side effects:
My dead fingernails have finally grown out and I actually got to wear fingernail polish for the 1st time in a year.  I forgot how feminine fingernail polish makes you look and believe me, I'll take anything that makes me look one more step closer to the old Jen.  My numb toes have just about gone away.  They don't tingle like they use to and that makes me very happy.  No hot flashes (thank goodness) and I got all my taste buds back.  Whoo hoo! I'm on a roll.  I still have fatigue but the doc said that's normal. 

Hair:
My hair is growing back better than I expected.  I can hardly believe that I was completely bald  8 months ago.  My natural color is back - brunette (haven't seen that color in 15 years).  It's kind of poofy, a little curly/wavy, thick and thank goodness, no gray hair.  :)  
I don't have the nerve to cut and style it yet.  Cutting it makes me feel like I'm taking away what's finally growing in.  Even though it's growing in quick, I feel like the top isn't catching up with the back so I'm sure I'll have a mullet if I don't get my act together and get to a salon soon.  But in time, I'm sure one day I'll get my Victoria Secret model hair that brings the old Jen back to life but for now, I'm trying to focus on staying healthy and getting back to normal.

The down side to looking normal:
So the down side of looking normal and not necessarily feeling normal is people assume things.  Upper level management  in my office told me that I had to return back to work full time starting May 7th.  Almost 4 years to the day that I started working part time.  I was really angry at first.  They actually approached me only 17 days after my final radiation treatment which I was and wasn't shocked  More shear disappointment.  At the time, I was so tired from treatment, working 3 days a week gave me a chance to rest/recover on the other 2 days that I had off.  The excuse they gave me was they can't hire more people if there was a part timer on the books.   So it was more  important to get me on the books full time thank making sure that I recover properly.  I thought that was a bit harsh.  I realize that there are a lot of people who work full time during/after cancer treatments and I know how difficult it is.  I know I was fortunate to work part time so I can't be 100% angry.  I just feel like they were vulchers flying around just waiting to hear those magic words, "She's Cancer Free".  I gave them two doctors notes but they refused them both.  They pretty much said since I wasn't disabled I had to come back.  Disabled?  I was never disabled.  I had cancer, I endured treatments for 8 months and thank God I survived.  THANK GOD! 
 
Relay for life:
Back in May,  I participated in the "Survivor Lap" of the Reston Relay for Life with my friends David and Dana.  I didn't know much about the relay for life but felt the need to be a part of it.  The relay is a part of the American Cancer society and it's an entire day/night function is to raise money for cancer.  There are a ton of locations but this one was held at a local high school.  People brought tents and camped out as members of their team walked around the track.  It was a very moving sight as well as a very emotional day for me.  I didn't expect it to be so emotional but people were so supportive and strangers would congratulate me for being a survivor.  Cody was chanting "no cancer" as he walked the survivor lap with me and Ken met us 1/2 way around the track to put a medal around my neck.  Tears were flowing down my face.   I'm so thankful for being alive.  I have so much to live for.    Two of my friends also walked the relay for life.  My friend Terri in Fredericksburg, Va and my friend Colleen in Washington state.  Yea to them and everyone who's fighting for the cure.

Mother's Day:
I hope all you mommies out there had a wonderful Mother's Day.  Cody gave me a hanging flower basket  and a card that said to my beautiful, gorgeous and stunning mother (both with Ken's help of course) .  He's still my biggest supporter and I still truly adore him.

Visit with Oncologist: 
It's tough to visit the oncologist.  Sitting in the waiting room waiting to be called back, I get to see all the men and women (mostly women) come and go.  It brings back sad memories.  And it's tough to see their faces with such a void across it.  It makes me think of how drugged I was when I left my chemo treatments.  Whoever went with me had to drive me home since I couldn't drive.  My appointment went well and she didn't feel anything so that made me very happy.  My 1st followup mammogram is scheduled for September 7th.   Please keep your fingers crossed that my mammo is cancer free. 

Blog:
I still write to my blog.  It has been good therapy for me.   I finally just downloaded a bunch of photos from my camera so I'll be posting them to my blog soon.   http://jenniferkile.blogspot.com

Cody and Ken:

Ken is doing well.  He's enjoying the summer and loves tinkering around the house.  He's done a few outdoor projects which includes yard work - pruning, mowing, installing lattice under our deck, and painted our fence.  He loves being outside but is already looking forward to the cooler weather that falls brings.  We've had a few record scorchers this summer and as you all know, I LOVE IT when it's HOT!!!

As for sweet little Cody.   He's had the time of his life visiting grandparents and friends, going to Knobel's amusement park,  hanging out at the pool, going to the water park and to the beach.   He recently had a few unfortunate incidents with his finger getting slammed in the car door and a meet and greet with nuts.  Which indeed proves he's still allergic.  Luckily neither were life threatening but enough to visit and call the doctor.  As a young energetic little one, he bounces back quickly and is enjoying life.  He participated in his preschool graduation but due to his age, he won't be going to kindergarten until next year.  Photos are in my blog and one is attached below.  Keep in mind, this photo was taken 2 months ago so my hair is a little longer now than it was in this photo. 

Jen (that's ME):
I've been spending the last few months trying to enjoy life and not let the word CANCER freak me out or bring me down.  It's hard at times but I think I'm doing pretty well at staying positive. I started a mini garden in flower pots on my patio.  I'm growing tomatoes, green peppers, radishes, basil, rosemary, dill, and one corn stalk.  The corn stalk was the weirdest thing. I didn't plant it but somehow got in my pot and it towers over me.  I actually have one corn cob growing.  I've enjoyed my mini garden and I've eaten about 12 radishes 4 green peppers and about 40 tomatoes so I guess I do have a green thumb.   I also have wide array of flowers on my deck.  Both the garden and the flowers were something I wasn't able to do last year and I'm thrilled about it this year. 

Well, I kind of gave you a quick run down on the last few months.  Last summer sucked but this summer is going GREAT!  Hope all of you are doing well and that you all are having the BEST SUMMER EVA! 

Thanks again for all your love and support.  It means so much to me.
XOXO Jen