Update #8, Bald and Beautiful

I never thought in a million years that I would have cancer but I did.  I never thought I would ever loose my hair but I did.  I never thought this day would come but it did.  And you know what?  I DID IT!!!  I made a decision and I actually did it.  I called our barber Vicki and told her I was ready to shave my head.    I didn't plan to do this.  I was holding on to my buzz cut for as long as I could but watching it fall out little by little everyday was tough.  I must admit I was surprised at how long I actually held onto it.  If you remember, the doctor urged me to buzz my head before chemo started.  I waited and buzzed it a week after my 1st session.  By my 2nd appointment the doctor warmed me that in most cases be prepared for complete hair loss.  But my hair hung in there.  I was starting to think my hair wasn't going to fall out after all.  Maybe I was one of the lucky ones to keep it.  But slowly the chemo took over and over time my hair was falling out.  It wasn't horrific but it was starting to bother me.  Ken suggested I shave it.  I guess I didn't want to or thought I didn't have to yet.  I only looked at myself in the mirror front on.  I never looked at the back of my head.  I just wasn't ready.  I knew it was missing in spots but I really had no idea.  Then Wendy came over last Saturday.   I asked her to take a few photos of me to chronicle my journey.  When she handed the camera back to me, I saw how splotchy and bad it really looked.  So that's when I called Vicki and asked her to shave off the rest of my hair.  She opened her barber shop 1 hour early on Sunday so we could shave my head without any of her customers watching.  It actually took a lot longer than I expected.  She was very gentle with my head since it's very tender.  I'm not completely bald.  I still have a small patch of hair on the top of my head hanging on for dear life but it's shaved down pretty good and I don't look sickly anymore.  I actually look ok.

Now,8 weeks later, I'm amazed at how I've accepted my new look.  I went through such an emotional journey from long hair to short hair to a buzz cut to almost baldness.  I thought I would cry at the sight of seeing myself with no hair but in fact, it's the opposite.  I'm ok with it.  It's me and I think by cutting it in stages has helped me thru the process.  And of course all the support from everyone to get me thru each stage.  But I have to say, how Cody is supporting me is the most surprising best thing about the entire process.  Even though I've accepted how I look,  for some reason I must have saw someone with a cute hairstyle and in the car I said to myself with a sigh, "I can't wait till my hair grows back."  I didn't even realize that Cody heard me and he said, "Don't worry mommy, you're hair will grow back.  I PROMISE!"  That just made my day.  For such a little boy, his words were so powerful.  I would love to know how much Cody is really processing and how much he knows of what is going on.  Whatever the case is, he's my biggest fan and I'm his.

So I'm attaching a photo of the real deal.  The real me....bald and beautiful.  
Thanks again for your support and encouragement.
Love, Jen