Never in a million years did I ever think that I would have a receding hairline but then again, cancer was so not on my radar either.
The good thing about this whole process is no matter how ugly I feel Cody tells me how beautiful I am everyday. He has never feared my buzz cut or hair loss and so far has embraced my new look. He really keeps my spirits up. Even though I hate this I have to keep re-reminding myself that chemo kills cells both good and bad and in order to survive this, my hair loss is part of it. And if I'm loosing the hair, the chemo must be working so getting better is on the horizon.
At my 2nd chemo session, the nurse told me that it was a good thing that I buzzed my hair because loosing your hair, especially long like I had, is very tramatic. So of course hearing this made feel a little better about my decisions to cut it short then ultimately to buzz it. She also mentioned that my hair would probably be gone by the end of that week. To my surprise when Friday, 8/26 came I was pleased to see that I actually had all my hair still on my head. I've had a few strands come off here and there but it hasn't really shocked me that bad yet. My biggest surprise is how tender my scalp is and how uncomfortable the buzz cut is on the pillow when I sleep at night.
Well, now that it’s the end of the 2nd week, my hair is slowly coming out. I've noticed more hair on the pillow when I wake up in the morning. I kind of expected more clumps of hair missing but instead it’s thinning in areas where I wear my hat or wig. I do have some bald spots and I now have the biggest forehead ever. It's actually kind of sad to look in the mirror. I don't look like myself and I don't feel femine anymore. To me, I look more like a really sick looking guy and when I see my hair on my fingers or shoulders, it still doesn't seem real even though it's very real. My next chemo appointment is this tomorrow and I do believe by the end of this Friday my hair will finally all fall out. I’m preparing myself for total baldness but I’m not sure how I’ll actually react to the entire loss. How bad will it really look? How long will I look this way? And when will I ever look normal again?
Well, now that it’s the end of the 2nd week, my hair is slowly coming out. I've noticed more hair on the pillow when I wake up in the morning. I kind of expected more clumps of hair missing but instead it’s thinning in areas where I wear my hat or wig. I do have some bald spots and I now have the biggest forehead ever. It's actually kind of sad to look in the mirror. I don't look like myself and I don't feel femine anymore. To me, I look more like a really sick looking guy and when I see my hair on my fingers or shoulders, it still doesn't seem real even though it's very real. My next chemo appointment is this tomorrow and I do believe by the end of this Friday my hair will finally all fall out. I’m preparing myself for total baldness but I’m not sure how I’ll actually react to the entire loss. How bad will it really look? How long will I look this way? And when will I ever look normal again?
The good thing about this whole process is no matter how ugly I feel Cody tells me how beautiful I am everyday. He has never feared my buzz cut or hair loss and so far has embraced my new look. He really keeps my spirits up. Even though I hate this I have to keep re-reminding myself that chemo kills cells both good and bad and in order to survive this, my hair loss is part of it. And if I'm loosing the hair, the chemo must be working so getting better is on the horizon.
I've finally got around to sending you all the before and after photos. The 1st photo is before chemo started. The 2nd is after my 1st chemo treatment when I decided to cut 8 inches off. And of course the last photo is the buzz cut. Be prepared for this one. I knew I had dark hair but didn't realize it was this dark. That's what happens when you dye it blonde for the last 15 years. :) I guess I'll really going to be all natural for the next few months.
Thanks again for all your support. It really means a lot to me.
Love ya, Jen
Thanks again for all your support. It really means a lot to me.
Love ya, Jen
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