Wednesday, July 20, 2011

It's cancer

Today started off normal.  I knew I'd get a call from the doctor sometime this week but when I did get it, I just wasn't prepared.  The phone rang around 3pm and I answered it.   Of course the conversation was longer and Dr. Sim was very compassionate but I was crying so I can only remember a little of what was said to me.

Me:  This is Jennifer
Dr. Sim:  Hi Jennifer this is Doctor Sim
Me:  Hello
Dr. Sim:  I have the results of your biopsy.  Unfortunately, it came back positive.  You have breast cancer.
Me:  (SOBBING)  Oh my god, no.
Dr. Sim:  It's ok, we're going to get you through this.  You're going to be fine.
Me:  SOBBING
Dr. Sim:  You need to call an Oncologist and a Surgeon.  I can recommend 2 for you if you would like but we need to get this done as soon as possible.  Don't worry, you will get through this.  I know this is tough to hear but we can cure this and you will be ok.
Me:  (Shaking and crying) OK

After I listened to what she said I hung up the phone.  I was sobbing uncontrollably.  I couldn't believe it.  But yet deep down inside I knew I had cancer.  How can you feel a lump like that in your breast and not know.  It was so solid, so round, I knew it wasn't normal.  I knew it was cancer and today, just now, it was confirmed.

My co-workers heard me crying and immediately came over.  They asked with concern, what was wrong and I had to say it out loud.  I have breast cancer.  Shock and disbelief came over their faces.   I got so many hugs.  I left the office and drove home.  Still crying I made a call to Ken, Mom and Wendy.  Everyone is in shock and we all need time to process this and I need to find out how serious my cancer is.  I don't want to die. 

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