4 years ago

Four years ago today I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer.  Even though 4 years have past, I can remember the day like it was yesterday.  I was expecting a call, but really wasn't expecting it at work, especially at the end of the day.  I was completely shocked, numb, speechless.  I remember crying as I drove home.  I kept trying to process what was going on.  When was I going to talk to a doctor, what were they going to say and was I going to die? 

To this day, I'm still in shock that I actually had cancer.  I fought it with everything I had and I hope it never ever comes back!!! 

Number 6 outta here!

Another tooth gone!!  Last night Cody went to bed with a loose tooth.  And he woke up this morning with no tooth.   SURPRISE!!!  We really didn't think anything of it when he went to bed.  He's had a few teeth dangling by a thread in his mouth before, this one was no different.  But when he woke up and came into our room this morning, he started talking to Ken and Ken suddenly said, Cody where's your tooth???  It's missing!!!!  He was so excited. 

I hope he didn't swallow it so I went to his room to see if I could find it.  I search high and low and finally I found his tooth right in the middle of the bed, not on his pillow.  So I grabbed it and put it in a plastic bag.  Then I grabbed $5.00 quickly and put it under his pillow.

As I was doing this, Ken convinced Cody to go check to see if the tooth fairy came last night.  Low and behold, when Cody looked under his pillow......she did!  The tooth fairy came last night and left me $5.00. 

Side note:  $5.00 you say???  If was his front tooth, that's why he got a little more plus he thinks the tooth fairy pulled it out while he was sleeping.  LOL.

So now Cody is officially missing his 2 front teeth, 2 bottom teeth and has 2 grown up teeth growing in as well.  Fun times! 

Rain, Rain go away!!!

I love thunderstorms but all day rain is for the birds.  This morning I woke up to hearing the rain just coming down.  Ughhh....it's SUMMER!!!  We only get so many days of warm weather over the summer in Virginia so a rainy day just puts a damper on things.  I know rain is good for the environment and lord knows we aren't lacking for it this year since our grass is super dooper green.

Reasons why I don't like rain:
Causes bad traffic (usually not on Saturday and Sundays)
Roads flood at times (depending on the serverity and longivity of the rain)
The grass is saturated (makes it hard to play outside)
Can't go to the pool in rain
People can't drive in rain
Tomato and cucumber plants aren't doing so well.  (I read somewhere that they don't like constant rain, they like hot/sunny weather)
For me, I can't grill outside in the rain

Reasons I like rain:
Thunderstorms (as long as they are not destructive or violent - they are neat to watch and usually come and go very quickly.
Warm rain is better than cold rain (hands down!)

So I turned on TV to watch the weather and the weatherman said all the rain should be outta here by noon. Apparently the warm sunny weather is suppose to roll in and actually be a nice day so I'm ready for this day to turnaround!

But for some reason, I'm not sure I 100% believe it. 

Emotional Day

First of all, today is the day, 11 months ago that my cousin Virginia passed away.  I say it over and over again but I just can't believe it.  I think about her constantly, especially when it's a sunny day out and the sky is so blue and the clouds are so white.  I look up to the sky and wonder if she is looking down. 

Already in a somber mood, I was sitting at my desk minding my own business when I overheard someone talking about how much vacation time they have.  So much in fact that they usually loose hours at the end of the year cause they never have time to take off.  Then he said, so I normally donate it to some poor sap that has cancer or something.

My mouth dropped behind the computer and I was so offended.  Poor sap?  I just can't believe he said that.  I got up and left the office, taking a walk around the parking lot.  I just needed to cool down. 

On my drive home from work, I got a call from the Oncologist office.  Earlier in the day as I was sitting there trying to concentrate.  The office is freezing cold and the words, poor sap kept replaying in my head over and over again that I decided to call the doctor.  I had my bone scan on July 1st and today is 9th.  I know it takes time to get the results for tests but I was trying to figure out if no news was good news?  So, when I called the receptionist took my info and said it's looks like your results are in but haven't been reviewed yet.  Oh geez...was this a mistake to call them.  And if they have my results, why didn't they read them yet?  But then again, I'm not a current cancer patient so I understand I'm not a priority but these tests were completely unexpected so I'm a little nervous.  I just don't want the cancer to come back.

So as I'm driving home, I pull over into a parking lot and one of the nurses said: 

Nurse:  Jennifer, I have good news for you.  Your bone scan is all clear.  There is no signs of cancer.  Jen:  SHREW!!!  and what about my blood tests. 
Nurse:  Blood test, all clear. 
Jen:  So what exactly was the blood test for? 
Nurse:  To check for cancer cells in your blood.
Jen:  Ok - so it's good, all clear right?
Nurse:  yes.  You are all good.
Jen:  thanks, I was so worried.  So what if my ribs bother me again.  Could it be something under my ribs?  Can I call you?
Nurse:  You can call us anytime for any issues.
Jen:  Good thanks so much.

So even though the day has been up, down, up, down....hearing that via recent tests, I am still cancer free and that just can't take away the smile off my face and a reason to celebrate.

Number 5 is outta here!!

We were all surprised, Cody included when he lost his 5th tooth today.  When he got home from summer camp I asked him how his day was.  Then I asked him if he ate all his lunch today. He said yes and I said even the apples? He said apples, what apples?  I told him in his backpack so he grabs his backpack and found some cut up apples.  He took a few bites and said ouch!  No way am I eating anymore apples today. I looked at his mouth and one of his lower bottom teeth was loose.  I didn't expect that at all.

So at dinner tonight, I made lasagna with some toasted butter bread.  Cody's weakness is butter bread and pasta.  He grabs the bread takes a big bite and pop, out goes the tooth.  He spits it out in his hand and says mom, my tooth. 

OH MY GOODNESS!!!  Guess the tooth fairy is coming to our house tonight. 

It's Dinner time!

Marinated pork tenderloin, potatoes and grilled veggies with feta cheese.  YUMMO !!!

Bone Scan

My nerves are sky high today.  My appointment was at 8:30am.  Luckily Cody is with his grandma is PA so Ken and I got up early and headed out toward my appointment.  Shocked that traffic was so good, we got there early.  I signed in and it didn't long for them to call me back.  I had Ken come back with me.  I always need support when I go to any kind of these appointments.  These are the same locations I went to 4 years ago when all of this drama started.  It brings back horrific memories.  The nurse saw that I was nervous and she did a great job of entertaining me.  Super friendly and lots of jokes.  Kuddos to her!

She took some blood and of course I wasn't looking but Ken said she mixed it with something and injected me with it.  She told us to come back at 11:30 for the test.  What to do in 3 hours.

Luckily we had to run some errands.  So off to Alexandria we went.  We got breakfast, stopped by Ken's Dr's office to get an order from the doc and ran over to the townhouse to check on a few things with the tenant.  Time just flew by.  Before I knew it we were heading back to the doctor's office for my test but we got a ton of stuff done and felt really accomplished.

When we got to the office, I signed in and they called me back immediately.  She took Ken and I back to a room and gave me the run down on my test.  This year I'm only getting a bone scan done which is actually the easier test of the two.  Last year I had a CAT scan too and they had to inject some contrast in me which made my leg tingly for several months afterward.  I laid down on the table and she put a warm blanket over me.  The machine came down and was really close to my face but I just closed my eyes and didn't think twice about it.  The machine that is.  I thought constantly about what the machine would find and how I was going to accept my fate.

Tears rolled out the corner of my eyes and landed in my ears.  Then all I could think about was the pooling of water in my ears and how much it was starting to annoy me.   Then my nose started itching and I couldn't itch it cause my arms were tied with a rubber band plus the machine was so close to my face I couldn't itch it if I wanted too.  Then my brain went wild and I thought if the cancer does come back, where is it and how bad did it spread.  Then I thought about Virginia and how her cancer spread.  Then I thought will it be caught in time and will the doctors be able to save me.  My thoughts just spiraled out of control from there and more tears flowed.

I would say overall the entire test, coming in and leaving was 30 min.  I was exhausted and hungry.
I just wear myself out so much when it comes to these appointments.  I have my mammo in a few months and although I'm so tired of these tests, it's better to be safe than sorry.  I want to live a very long and cancer free life.