Happy Halloween

Ok, am I a bad mom?  Is it wrong to take slight advantage of my bald head right now playing Halloween tricks on Cody?  I have to admit it.  I've been scaring him a little but isn't it TIS THE SEASON?  He hasn't had any nightmares and actually thinks it funny afterward.  I know, it's wrong but it's fun.  We went trick o treating and there were a ton of parents handing out candy in scary costumes trying to scare the kids.  I wasn't wearing a costume and I'm not targeting any other kids just mine.  I use my bald head, widen my eyes, hide, and jump out saying BOO!  Ok, I might have said his name in a scary tone too but it's all fun and games.  Right?

I took him to Party City to pick out a costume a few weeks ago.  I really didn't know what he wanted to be.  He mentioned that he wanted to be a skeleton but didn't really say anything else.  So when we got to the store they had an entire wall of pictures of costumes.  Cody briefly looked at the pictures and all of the sudden he got really excited and yelled out the PACKAGE MAN!!!  I said what?  The PACKAGE MAN mommy.  I want to be the package man.  I looked over and he was pointing to the UPS man.  The UPS man?  Really?  That's what you want to be?  I must admit, I was a bit shocked.  I thought if anything he'd pick the police officer cause he always says hi to them when we are at a function or event.  In fact one time he made one hold him and wouldn't let the officer put him down.  Come on Cody, let's go before he issues us a ticket for annoyance.  Ha-ha!  So, the UPS man it is.  And you know what?  He rocked that outfit.  He was so happy to run to our front door in his costume, ringing the doorbell, dropping off the package and running from the door. 

So tonight when we went trick or treating, Cody went from door to door and almost everyone asked him when are they getting their package. By the 3rd time, he answered all others with a sigh and said TOMORROW!  It was so cute.  This is our first Halloween in Ashburn.  Our neighborhood is awesome.  There were kids everywhere trick or treating.  It was awesome!!  Tons of houses were decorated and everyone was having such a good time.  I wish mom and Wendy could have been here to see it.  But since I have Chemo tomorrow, Ken's mom and dad were here.  Ken's dad said we must of had 100 kids come to the door as he handed out all the candy.  Ken, Eleanor and I took Cody out.  He was so polite, only taking 1 piece and saying trick or treat. 

Happy Halloween!

Update # 11, Chemo #7

Hi Everyone!!!  Just wanted to let you know that I'm a little behind in my updates.  The update I sent yesterday (2 weeks ago) was suppose to be Chemo # 6, not Chemo #7.  The update I'm sending now (Chemo #7) covers last Tuesday's appointment.

So my chemo day has come again. 
Tues. October 18th -  My appointment was at 11:10 am and even though I like the earlier appointments, I still hate going.  I always have to re-remind myself that chemo is good for me.  In fact I got an awesome card from one of my friends that said "CHEMO SUCKS!!"  (inside the card) But if CHEMO kills my cancer then "CHEMO ROCKS!!!"  and that's the mindset I have to stay in.  Chemo doesn't actually hurt, it's the needle in my port that does.  I hate needles and I cringe during the whole cleaning process and needle being inserted.  But surprisingly today wasn't bad either.  In fact nurse Tonya was really gentle which of course makes me very happy.  Ken was the lucky one to join me today for my appointment.  This is the 1st time he's been to the Reston location.  He loved how close it is to our house and he was really surprised at how quick my appointment was.  We were done at 12:45.  I didn't fall asleep this time.  I felt the Benadryl take over but it didn't knock me out.  So since it was early, we grabbed lunch.  It was nice to spend time with Ken and talk about my treatment.  Only 5 more to go. 

Wednesday, Oct 19th - Sunday Oct. 23rd.  This week I had a few slow days mainly Thurs and Friday.  Nothing major, just a little tired which is to be expected.  So far I've really only had a little restless leg syndrome, a little numbness in my finger tips, my taste buds are off and what little hair I had left is about gone but I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes so lets keep our fingers crossed they continue to stay. 

I'm still happy to say that I did have energy to enjoy a wonderful weekend with family and friends.  When today (Monday) rolled around I must admit that I was a little tired today at work but I think it's due to the fact that I was on the go pretty much all weekend so who wouldn't be tired right? 

Tomorrow, Oct 25th is my next chemo appointment.  I'll be meeting with the Doctor before my appointment and I must admit I'm anxious to see what she has to say. 

Thanks again for your continued support.  Without you, this would be a far tougher road to travel on.
XOXO Jen

Update # 10, Chemo # 6

THIS CHEMO ROCKED!!!

Tues. October 11th - Got a new nurse today.  So far since I've been in Reston I haven't had the same nurse twice so I haven't gotten to know them and feel comfortable with them yet.  It's pretty much all business.  They're nice but it's not the same as nurse Trucilla.  She's the best.  Her personality is awesome and she keeps me laughing through the process.  But today I got someone new and although I didn't catch her name she was the absolute best at putting the needle in my port.  I yelped a little but that's because they normally count to 3 so I know it's coming.  So she's either really gentle or my numbing cream finally really worked.  As usual, she took my blood and my counts were great so onward with chemo.  1st came the Benadryl then Taxol.  I had a lovely 1 hour nap.  In fact it was a really good deep sleep.  My restless leg syndrome was here but no where near as wild as it was last week.  So I was happy about that.  When I woke up I was really groggy but I was ready to go home. 

Wed. October 12th - Went to work, everything is good.

Thurs. October 13th - Went to work, started to get tired but once I ate lunch I kind of bounced back to life.  Last week I was completely exhausted so I'm thinking taking less meds has really helped me recover.

Fri. October 14th - Last week I was on the couch all day, today was completely different.  Sure I'm a little tired but overall I had energy enough to go shopping.  And that's not all......

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (October 14th, 15th and 16th)

The most absolute best 3 days I've had in a long time!

Friday - shopping with Eleanor (Ken's mom)  in Leesburg.  Later in the day our local high school had their homecoming parade at the Legacy park that is walking distance from out house.  The parade was nice and the teenagers riding on the floats threw halloween candy to all the little kids.

Friday night we drove Eleanor home to PA.

Saturday - Took a mini afternoon nap.  Had to rest up for Knoebel's amusement park.  Knoebel's is a family run amusement park that's free to get in, you only pay for the rides and food.  We usually pay for a hand stamp that way Cody can ride as many rides as he wants as many times as he wants.  We wanted to go to Knoebel's because they opened up in the month of October for Boo Fest.  The park was decorated with pumpkins, skeletons, hay bails painted to look like big pumpkins, headless horseman, lots of orange lights and a lot of other fun stuff.  Cody had so much fun.  We were at the park for 6 1/2 hours and I didn't need to take a break.  I really enjoyed watching Ken and Cody ride the rides he couldn't ride alone and then of course loved watching him ride the kiddie rides by himself.  The smile on Cody's face was priceless. 

Sunday - Was a busy day too. We went to fairgrounds to see the animals.   A few hours later we went to a pumpkin patch and picked out  5-6 pumpkins to take home with us.  On our way home we hit our favorite ice cream shop Brewster's.  I had a hot fudge sundae.  Usually I don't have any taste buds and I really can't taste my food but I was actually able to get a yummy taste of this hot fudge. 

Mon. October 17th - Went to work.  Since my chemo appointments were switched to Tuesdays a few weeks back I decided to switch my days off at work from Mondays to Tuesdays that way I don't have to take sick leave anymore when I go to my chemo appointments.  So of course the last day of my previous week is certainly the best day.  I got home after picking Cody up from preschool and immediately went outside to enjoy the nice weather and watch him play on the swing set.  It wasn't long before we saw the neighbors out and Cody was playing with Abby and Caleb.  He loves them playing with them so much.  Then we got the rakes out (yes to all my Arizona family and friends) our leaves are changing quickly and falling fast.  Winter is on it's way.  So we raked up a pile and the kids jumped in.  What fun!

So like I said above in the beginning of this e-mail...THIS CHEMO ROCKED!!!  
SO LET'S KEEP THESE GOOD DAYS ON A ROLL!

Love Jen

Update # 9, Chemo # 5

Hello everyone!!!!

As you all know, October is breast cancer awareness month and everyday I see something on tv, in an ad, at the store all bringing awareness to the public.  Well, I'm certainly aware and luckily things seem to be going well.  I wish I could participate in a walk or race but I don't have the strength now but I know next year I will and I will be wearing pink.  But it's a journey and my journey started in July when I was told I had cancer.  What a shock to my system and what a roller coaster it ride it has been.  When I met with doctor for the 1st time, I was told that I would start with chemo first instead of going straight to surgery.  I was scheduled for 16 weeks of chemo beginning with the drugs Cytoxan and Adriamycin.  These 2 drugs were given to me simultaneously along with a few nausea meds every other week (weeks 1, 3, 5 and 7) for a total of 4 treatments.  Those drugs came with sides effects including hair loss, nausea, exhaustion, dizziness/loopy and a few others.  Last week I started a new drug called Taxol. This single drug will be given to me weekly for the next 8 weeks and my last  treatment should be November 22nd.  I was a little nervous about taking Taxol because I didn't know what to expect or what side effects I'd experience.  I was so familiar with the other 2 drugs that I was afraid to try something new but the doctor said that Taxol was an easier drug to handle and I should recover quicker from it.  Although I find that appealing, I can't seem to believe it.  Chemo has not been easy so far but then again, no one said it would be. 

Tuesday, October 4th
I must admit I was so nervous for this appointment.  I could barely sleep.  All I kept thinking about was how was my body going to react to the Taxol?  And why did my appointment have to be at 1pm?  I personally would rather get these appointments over with.  Get in and get out.  But since my sessions are shorter now, the doctor saves the morning appointments for people with longer sessions and the shorter sessions like mine (2 hours max) for the afternoon which makes sense.  Wendy went with me to this session and we grabbed lunch before and headed over to my appointment.  Once we got there I found a small rash on my left leg which was really odd.  I had them check it out in case it was a mild allergic reaction to all the pills I had to take last night and this morning.  Turns out it was a heat rash.  Probably from the unusually warm weather we're having, me overdressing, (jeans, long sleeve shirt, boots)  overheating and of course stressing out.  As usual, it didn't take long for them to start the process by inserting  the dreaded needle in my port to check my blood counts which were good then proceeding with the benadryl dose and Taxol.  The whole process was only 2 hours max.  The good news is I got my favorite nurse tending to me today.  She is so awesome, always talks me thru the process and she really keeps my spirits up.  The only bad thing about this treatment was the fun restless leg syndrome and numbing in my finger tips.  I can deal with the numbness but every time I came close to falling asleep my legs would twitch and spasm.  I wonder how long this will last cause it's really annoying.  So overall, I would say the Taxol is so much better than the Cytoxan and Adriamycin.  I think I'll be able to handle this for the next 8 weeks.  

Wednesday, Oct 5th
I felt awesome.  I woke up this morning inspired and motivated.  I was really pleased with how I felt so I went to work.  The day went by so well that it's almost like I didn't have a chemo treatment at all.  And good news.....no more leg spasms. 

Thursday, Oct 6th
What goes up must come down and that's exactly what happened.  I was fine in the morning so I went to work.  By lunch my entire body shifted.  I grabbed lunch with my Co-worker Jen and I could feel my body changing as I was eating.  I suddenly felt wiped out.  I actually just wanted to get back to the office and just sit for a bit.  It was hard to focus and it was hard to not leave work early to go home and lay down.  I hung in there till 4pm but boy was it tough. 

Friday, Oct 7th
I knew after work yesterday that there was no way I would go to work today to make up for taking Tuesday off.  I can't believe the amount of exhaustion I'm feeling at the moment.  I so look forward to my days off work.  Especially the ones where I get quiet time to myself.  That might sound selfish but when Cody is home he wants my attention 24/7.  Of course I want to give him attention and I certainly love hanging out and playing with him but there are those times when I'm so exhausted I can't get out of bed and I feel so bad when I can't spend time with my family.  So I love the quiet time on Fridays.  What's so disappointing is when all I do is veg on the couch.  With no energy, I can't get anything done.  That includes housework, errands, cooking, etc.  I'm still anxious to organize and decorate the rest of our house.  So many things I want to do and just can't due to being so tired.  And of course if I do get a boost of energy like I did on Wednesday, it seems to be a few hours or days later when I get tired again.  I know, it's part of the side effects so I'll rest and get better.  Oh, and I'm getting hot and cold flashes to. 

Saturday, Sunday and Monday (Oct 8, 9, and 10th)
FABULOUS!!!  I'm back to my normal self.  Of course I need to take little cat naps to get re-energized but overall I would say the weekend was GREAT!!!  I'm so happy.

But reality has come.  Now that my chemo appointments are weekly, I just realized last night that I have my next session today at 1:10pm.  Good news since I know what to expect I'm not as nervous today.  Also, since I didn't have an allergic reaction to the new drug Taxol, I don't have to take 11 pills plus 2 doses of Benadryl thru the IV.  I only have to take 5 pills and 1 dose of benadryl so I'm hoping with less pills maybe I won't be so tired later this week.  Fingers crossed.  But then again if I have only 2 bad days out of 7 I'll take it.  To me, I look at it as 5 GREAT DAYS.

Thanks for listening.
XOXO Jen

Nurse Trucilla and me

Update #8, Bald and Beautiful

I never thought in a million years that I would have cancer but I did.  I never thought I would ever loose my hair but I did.  I never thought this day would come but it did.  And you know what?  I DID IT!!!  I made a decision and I actually did it.  I called our barber Vicki and told her I was ready to shave my head.    I didn't plan to do this.  I was holding on to my buzz cut for as long as I could but watching it fall out little by little everyday was tough.  I must admit I was surprised at how long I actually held onto it.  If you remember, the doctor urged me to buzz my head before chemo started.  I waited and buzzed it a week after my 1st session.  By my 2nd appointment the doctor warmed me that in most cases be prepared for complete hair loss.  But my hair hung in there.  I was starting to think my hair wasn't going to fall out after all.  Maybe I was one of the lucky ones to keep it.  But slowly the chemo took over and over time my hair was falling out.  It wasn't horrific but it was starting to bother me.  Ken suggested I shave it.  I guess I didn't want to or thought I didn't have to yet.  I only looked at myself in the mirror front on.  I never looked at the back of my head.  I just wasn't ready.  I knew it was missing in spots but I really had no idea.  Then Wendy came over last Saturday.   I asked her to take a few photos of me to chronicle my journey.  When she handed the camera back to me, I saw how splotchy and bad it really looked.  So that's when I called Vicki and asked her to shave off the rest of my hair.  She opened her barber shop 1 hour early on Sunday so we could shave my head without any of her customers watching.  It actually took a lot longer than I expected.  She was very gentle with my head since it's very tender.  I'm not completely bald.  I still have a small patch of hair on the top of my head hanging on for dear life but it's shaved down pretty good and I don't look sickly anymore.  I actually look ok.

Now,8 weeks later, I'm amazed at how I've accepted my new look.  I went through such an emotional journey from long hair to short hair to a buzz cut to almost baldness.  I thought I would cry at the sight of seeing myself with no hair but in fact, it's the opposite.  I'm ok with it.  It's me and I think by cutting it in stages has helped me thru the process.  And of course all the support from everyone to get me thru each stage.  But I have to say, how Cody is supporting me is the most surprising best thing about the entire process.  Even though I've accepted how I look,  for some reason I must have saw someone with a cute hairstyle and in the car I said to myself with a sigh, "I can't wait till my hair grows back."  I didn't even realize that Cody heard me and he said, "Don't worry mommy, you're hair will grow back.  I PROMISE!"  That just made my day.  For such a little boy, his words were so powerful.  I would love to know how much Cody is really processing and how much he knows of what is going on.  Whatever the case is, he's my biggest fan and I'm his.

So I'm attaching a photo of the real deal.  The real me....bald and beautiful.  
Thanks again for your support and encouragement.
Love, Jen